I Replaced My HR Department With A Google Form

Tuesday, March 18, 2026. 3:47am. DARK outside.

An email arrives from my Chief People Officer. Subject line: "Q2 Culture Cascade. ALIGNMENT NEEDED."

The body is 1,400 words. I count. THREE times.

The word "bandwidth" appears ELEVEN times. The word "ship" appears zero.

She is requesting a recurring 90-minute meeting. EVERY other week. Starting in MAY.

i sat in the dark kitchen reading it on my phone. 3:47am. a woman who has never shipped a line of code is asking me to set aside 39 hours a year to discuss feelings with people i pay to solve problems.

That is the moment something broke. Not in HER. In ME.